Girls:

• "Tonight, I'll ask the stars above, how will I ever win your love, what do I do, what do I say, to turn your angel eyes my way?"
• "Angels are supposed to be good....so why did one break my heart?"
• "Girls are like stars, so many to choose from but only one makes your dreams come true."

Guys:

• "Guys are like parking spaces, all the good ones are taken."

Love:

• "If you love someone, put their name in a circle not a heart, a heart can be broken but a circle goes on forever"
• "Last night I looked up at the stars
  And matched each one with a reason why I love you;
  I was doing great, but then I ran out of stars"
• "I ran up the door, closed the stairs, said my pajamas, and put on my prayers. Turned off the bed, and hopped into the light, all because you kissed me good night"
• "It's hard to tell your mind to stop loving someone when your heart still does..."
• "Should I smile, Cause you're my friend, Or cry..Cause that's all we'll ever be?"
• "If I had a star for every time you brightened my day...I'd be holding the galaxy in my hands"
• "Every time I fall in love...I fall for someone new...Still I always find myself...falling back in love w/ you!!!"
• "The shortest word for me is I
  The sweetest word for me is LOVE
  The only one for me is YOU"
• "When times are hard all I do is close my eyes and think of you"
• "Love is a decision, followed by an action that reveals the true character of God."
• "...In the absence of love there is nothing worth fighting for."
  -Elijah Wood-
• "He (Christ) knows every star in the sky
  Every single tear that you cry
  His love is here faithful and alive
  I know that this world can be cold
  In His arms you're never alone
  That's His promise to you and I"
  -Plus One-

Serious:

• "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift, that is why we call it the present!"
• "Bless me Father, for I will sin. One night I will come for you."
  - D'artagnan "The Musketeer"-
• "[We should all keep in mind] that less than the truth is a lie; that evasion, excuse making, and exaggeration are all half-way houses towards what is false, and ought to be avoided."
  -J.C. Ryle-
• "Attitudes are contagious, is yours worth catching?"
• "Courage means never being afraid to voice the right choice."
• "You can't hear opportunity knock if you always have the TV on."
• "Be not afraid of going slowly, only of standing still."
• "I will lift my voice, I will lift my hands,
  I will lift my heart to the great I Am,
  I will shout His name, I will sing His praise,
  there is nothing more, this is,
  this is what I was made for."
  -Considering Lily-
• "Oh I say the measure of a man
  Is not how tall you stand
  How wealthy or intelligent you are
  'Cause I found out the measure of a man
  God knows and understand
  For He looks inside to the bottom of your heart
  And what's in the heart defines
  The measure of a man."
  -4Him-
• "If it's hurting you
  Choices that you've made
  Regret is your companion
  Just lift your eyes and pray
  He'll receive you know
  You are not abandoned"
  -Nikki Leonti-
• "We come together to lift His praises tonight
  And when we do
  You know we're doing right
  Don't make no difference where we're coming from
  We believe in the Son
  And that's what makes us one"
  -Rebecca St. James-
• "If our greatest need had been pleasure,
  God would have sent us an entertainer;
  If our greatest need had been information,
  God would have sent us an educator;
  If our greatest need had been technology,
  God would have sent us an engineer;
  If our greatest need had been money,
  God would have sent us an economist;
  But our greatest need was forgiveness,
  so God sent us a Savior."
• "If you love wealth better than liberty,
  the tranquillity of servitude better than the animating contest of freedom,
  go home from us in peace.
  We ask not your counsels or arms.
  Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you.
  May your chains set lightly upon you and may posterity forget that ye were our countrymen."
  -Samuel Adams-

Funny:

• "If the people at the psychic hotlines are really psychic, why don't they call you?"
• "I can only do 2 things at once, and one of them is always breathing"
• "A closed mouth gathers no foot"
• "If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?"
• "Last night I was looking at the stars and I was wondering where the heck is my ceiling!"
• "4 out of 5 voices in my head say go back to sleep"
• "How come you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead? "
• "98% of the time I am right. Why worry about the other 3%?"
• "If you can't laugh at yourself, I'll do it for you."
• "If you can't make it good, make it LOOK good."
• "Broken guitar for sale - no strings attached."
• "But I don't have an "any key" on my computer!"
• "But I don't like the cat. Shut up and eat our dinner!"
• "The family that sticks together should bathe more often."
• "The fridge light DOES go out. Now let me out of here!!!"
• "The more you say, the less people remember."
• "Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life."
• "Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now."
• "I intend to live forever - so far, so good."
• "Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it."
• "My wife says I never listen, or something like that ..."
• "Never hit a man with glasses ... Use your fist!
• "Never put off till tomorrow what you can ignore entirely."
• "He's dead Jim. Kick him if you don't believe me."
• "Oh yea? if you're so smart, why don't I understand you?
• "Oh, I'm sorry, were the voices in my head bothering you?
• "I can't remember the last time I forgot something."
• "Time is the best teacher, but it kills all its students."
• "Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?"
• "Why remember quotes when you can make them up?"
• "A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory."
• "A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking."
• "A fool and his money are soon partying."
• "Always try to be modest. And be VERY proud of it!"
• "All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand."
• "Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy."
• "Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks."
• "Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back."
• "Duct Tape...the Force it is like. Both a light side and a dark side it has. Binds the universe together it does!"
• "Anger, fear, merchandising...the Dark Side are they!"
• "Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just leave me alone!"
• "The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire."
• "It's always darkest just before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.",
• "Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted."
• "Always remember you're unique, just like everybody else."
• "Never test the depth of water with both feet."
• "If you think nobody cares you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments."
• "Before you critize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you critize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes."
• "If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you."
• "Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day."
• "If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it."
• "If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything."
• "Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield."
• "Good judgement comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgement."
• "The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put in back in your pocket."
• "There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works."
• "Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving."
• "Never miss a good chance to shut up."
• "The most wasted day of all is one in which we have not laughed."
• "Ned Nott was shot and Sam Shott was not. So it is better to be Shott than Nott. Some say Nott was not shot. But Shott says he shot Nott. Either the shot Shott shot at Nott was not shot, Or Nott was shot. If the shot Shott shot shot Nott, Nott was shot. But if the shot Shott shot shot Shott, Then Shott was shot, not Nott. However, the shot Shott shot shot not Shott, but Nott"
• "A bird who does not fly, starves."
• "5 out of 4 people have trouble with fractions."
• Actual excerpts from newspapers:
  • "Illiterate? Write today for free help."
  • "Dog for Sale: Eats anything and is fond of children."
  • "Semi-Annual After-Christmas Sale."
  • "For Rent: 6-room hated apartment."
  • "Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first."
  • "Wanted: Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
  • "Stock Up and Save: Limit one."
  • "Auto Repair Service: Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again."
  • "Father's Day Sale: Free Funeral"
  • "Cow injures farmer with ax"
• A 4th-grade teacher gave her students the beginnings of famous sayings, and asked them to give the original endings. Some of what they came up with:
  • "To err is human ... to eat a muskrat is not."
  • "The grass is always greener ... when you leave the sprinkler on."
  • "A bird in the hand ... is a real mess."
  • "We have nothing to fear but ... our principal."
  • "I think, therefore ... I get a headache."
  • "Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry ... and someone yells, 'Shut up!'"
  • "A penny saved is ... nothing in the real world."
• Doc Doc Jokes:
  Did you hear about the patient whose "eyes rolled around the room" after she fainted? That's exactly what one doctor wrote in his medical records. Other bloopers from actual medical logs:
  • "On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared."
  • "Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing."
  • "Discharge status: Alive but without permission."
  • "Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital."
  • "The patient has refused an autopsy."
  • "She is numb from her toes down."
  • "The skin was moist and dry."
• Just Horsing Around:
  Betcha didn't know that one horsepower is "the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second."
  At least that's how one elementary school student defines it, according to a collection of kid quotes from science essays and exams found on the Internet. Here are some more:
  • "Talc is found on rocks and on babies."
  • "You can listen to thunder after lightning and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it, you got hit, so never mind."
  • "Many dead animals in the past changed to fossils while others preferred to be oil."
  • "Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun.
    But I have never been able to make out the numbers."
  • "In looking at a drop of water under a microscope, we find there are twice as many H's as O's."
  • "A monsoon is a French gentleman."
• Judge Bloopers:
  • "Is this the first time you committed suicide?"
  • "So when you were there, you were not, is this correct?"

Bible:

• Proverbs 24:16
  For a righteous man may fall seven times and rise again,
  But the wicked shall fall by calamity.
• Revelation 4:11
  You are worthy, O Lord,
  To receive glory and honor and power;
  For You created all things, And by Your will they exist and were created.
• Ephesians 4:32
  And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.
• Philippians 4:14b
  For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away.
• Jeremiah 29:11
  For I know the plans I have for you...plans to help you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.