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How to Train Your Child to Be a Delinquent1. When your child is still an infant, give him everything he wants. This way he'll think the world owes him a living when he grows up. 2. When he picks up swearing and dirty jokes, laugh at him and encourage him. As he grows up, he'll pick up “cuter” phrases that will floor you. 3. Never give him any spiritual training. Wait until he's twenty-one, and let him decide for himself. 4. Avoid using the word wrong. It will give your child a guilt complex. You can condition him to believe later, when he is arrested for stealing a car, that society is against him and he is being persecuted. 5. Pick up after him – his books, shoes and clothes. Do everything for him so he will be experienced in throwing all responsibilty onto others. 6. Let him read all printed matter he can get his hands on. Never think of monitoring TV programs, movies, or Internet exploration. Sterilize the silverware, but let him feast his mind on garbage. 7. Take his side against neighbors, teachers, and policemen. They're all against him. Created by Michael Williams |